I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
