He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
