i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
