How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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