Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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