so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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