driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
