Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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