Pappa wants mamma naked
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
