he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
