Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
