can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Randomize
