It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
