so explain again why im purple
no
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
