My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
