If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
