Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
