I'm jealous of your bromance
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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