He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she peed on how many people?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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