what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
