And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
