stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
