So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
