my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
