I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
