i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
