just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
