Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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