ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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