If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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