New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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