TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
