Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
