Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
