Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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