We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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