I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
