I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
