Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
