Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
