I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
