and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
