big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
