Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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