U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
