all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
