Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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