Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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