I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
kristin has been a bad kristin
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Who died my cat blue again?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
