The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize