Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Found the puke drawer
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
