Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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