I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
