Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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